Falling in love with God
Well, this is my first blog so I thought I'd introduce myself! My name is Carla and I'm 23 y/o. For those of ya'll who were on SoundPost, you might know me as bLuE04. I thought about using that name on here, but opted against it. lol. For those of ya'll who do know me, you should remember my testimony. For those of ya'll who don't know me, here's a snipit. I've struggled with depression for many years and because of that I turned to cutting as a means to feel relief from whatever was bothering me. I started cutting the end of my sophomore year of high school and stopped for the first time the beginning of 2008. I was in car accident in December and depression once again swept over me and I was too weak to fight it so I ended up giving in twice. The last time was in March of this year until Monday (sept 7) night. I had been feeling really down and lonely and wasn't feeling God with me and I was too weak to fight the temptation so I ended up giving in. After that... Well, God has been working hard on me since that night. I started reading the book Crazy Love by Francis Chan again and in chapter 5 he talks about how if we mess up that doesn't mean that we aren't a genuine Christian. That hit me hard in the face and it was an "aha" moment for me. I have been soo concerned about being perfect. About being the perfect Christian. But the thing is... I am far from perfect! And the thing that God put on my heart is that He loves me, He loves all of us inspite of our imperfections! We shouldn't try to be perfect because we will fail miserably! And because I was trying to be perfect, I wasn't giving Him my whole heart. I wasn't doing anything wholeheartedly! I was being lukewarm, and He doesn't like that! Also in Crazy Love, there are a couple of prayers that I prayed Tuesday night and ever since then God has been ever present with me. Beside those prayers, I just poured my heart out to Him. I told Him that I was sorry for giving in and I prayed for His forgiveness. I told Him that I was sorry for being so non-existant in our relationship but that I want more than anything to be close to Him again. I prayed that He would help me in doing so. Guys... God is soo amazing!! He has renewed me and refreshed me! I feel like a different person! Granted I am far from being healed, but I know that with God anything is possible! I am falling so in love with Him and I cannot be happier!!
Well, I guess that's all for now.
Until next time!