Relighting The Fire

2010 has been a weird year for me to say the least. This is the year I turn 30 (October 14th), and on my 29th birthday last year, I decided to make an effort to make it a special year (treat it as if I was turning 18). My previous three birthdays had been really rough on me. A week after my 26th birthday, my grandma passed away from cancer. The next year, my 27th birthday, I started freaking about the fact that I was slowly closing in on 30. The worse part about that birthday was that on the next day, my mom committed suicide (unsuccessfully fortunately). Then for my 28th birthday, I was still freaking out about turning 30, and freaking out about the one year anniversary of my mom's suicide attempt. So as my 29th birthday came up, I decided that I needed to break the cycle of all the negative things that surrounded by birthday from years past. Last year, because of my employment situation, I made the leap to further my trust in God. I was slowly growing year after year to become a stronger christian really starting in 2006, with me starting to explore christian music, which was a huge step for me, because of how big music was in my life. That's how I landed on Barlowgirl's music, which kept me anchored in listening to christian music and also a huge part of my inspiration to grow in Christ. But last year was one of those periods where I got to see once again how God is faithful to his word. Last year with my lack of employment, I decided to test him with my tithes, and he honored that, by everything that followed. Within a month of tithing, I had a job that would get me to almost the end of last year, we had funds to put away for the future, and he provided every dollar for the missions trip that me and my wife would go on in 2010, because of our trust. So that got us through 2009. Now for 2010, I set goals to accomplish for this year in celebration of my 30th birthday. My plan for this year was to finally learn how to play the guitar, go on a missions trip, and get my first tattoos. I learned a little guitar this year, but haven't been able to practice much because of how busy I've been this year. In March, I got to go to Honduras for a missions trip, and that got me my spiritual high for the year, and on my birthday, I'll be getting the first of my two tattoos based on Romans 6:23. The first one will be surrounding death and the second tattoo will be about eternal life through Jesus. But as I said before 2010 has been a weird year for me.

To start off the year, I started to learn the basics of playing guitar. But weeks into the year, health problems started to arise both to me and my father in law. I started having problems with areas around my mouth blowing up due to some type of allergic reaction. While I was going through that, my father in law, who recently retired, got a few blood clots in his leg and his lungs. Luckily, both were taken care of by March. I found out that I had slight egg and milk allergies, and was also sensitive to the strings on the guitar that I started to learn. My father in law's blood clots were broken up and taken care of with meds. Then in March, things got really busy and hectic. In March, I was all over the place with house projects, church projects, and I had my missions trip in Honduras. Just before I went to Honduras, I came down with a sinus infection, and that wasn't good because most of November and December, I was sick with a sinus infection and had a hard time shaking it. Luckily, I felt a lot better by the time I went down to Honduras. The missions trip that we did there was probably the closest that I got to God all this year. It's really a life changing experience when you go to a poverty stricken nation to serve the people there, just to see for how little that they have, and they thank God for what they do have. A very amazing thing!! Unfortunately, I came back home and after a couple months, I was off of that spiritual high. In May and June, I worked for 6 weeks (but 400 hours of work in that time). That's all that I worked this year. During that time also, my father in law was diagnosed with Prostate cancer. That was devastating, especially for my wife. Then in June, or bird of 6+ years died. All of this stuff has really felt like we've hit rock bottom time and time again. With everything that I've gone through, it's left me feeling pretty frustrated and angry. It's felt like I've fallen a long way off from where I was at from my missions trip in March. It feels like I let the enemy, Satan, really get the best of me to knock me off of my walk in Christ.

But that's where I need to change, I can't let the enemy take me down anymore. I've let trial after trial make me feel like I've been broken, beat, and scarred, but I need to start wearing those scars in honor of God. Show those scars that will make me stronger in my love and trust in God. Let those scars remind me that I need to be on fire for God, not anybody or anything else. Let those scars remind me that I'm not to be frustrated, angry, or anything else that leads me down the path of destruction, but reminds me to exhibit the fruit of the spirit that is written in Galatians 5. I want those scars to remind me that I always need love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, and temperance to always walk in the spirit. There's less than 5 months in this year, and I don't want to live one more day with my faith being mediocre, feeling like it's dwindling down to nothing, but I want to live it being on fire for the Lord. I've spent too many days this year not looking to God, even though I have faith and trust in him, but today I want to change that and finish the year strong. I've started growing in 2006 and I don't want that to end in 2010. I'm forever in Christ and I need to get him back to priority number one in my life. If you read this, I want you to think where you're at with your relationship with God today, and if it's not where it should be, I hope this blog inspires you to relight your fire also. I've been struggling this year with this, so I ask for prayer for me to get stronger with this, so if you're reading this, please pray for me, as I know God answers prayer. I know this from many things in my life and the fact that my father in law's prostate cancer was completely removed almost two weeks ago, and God has continued to provide to me in so many ways, though I've only worked 6 weeks this year!

In Christ,

Tim